


Brothers

by nimsajlove



Series: brothers-au [1]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-28 18:00:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30143400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimsajlove/pseuds/nimsajlove
Summary: Ahsoka Tano is young and sometimes left alone in a pretty big war. Good thing, that the Clones are happy to be her family.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano & Clone Troopers
Series: brothers-au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2218590
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a native english speaker, so if there are some huge mistakes please point them out to me. I am also kindly ignoring any given timeline from the Clone Wars, so yay!

With great reluctance she looked at the food on her plate, if it could be identified as such. She had already learned a lot, but this was her first long trip on one of the cruisers and now she knew what everyone meant, that the rations there were nutritious. Not more or less. "Do you spurn your food?", asked a lone calmly, he was sitting next to her and had already finished his ration. She was about to answer when a hand shot past her and grabbed her plate. "More for me.", exulted another soldier and just as Ahsoka was about to get her plate back, the Captain laughed softly on her other side and pushed his empty plate away. "Little one, you will have to be faster if you want to get something of your rations."

She got faster. "Jesse, give it back!", she growled and circled the clone who was holding her dessert, consisting of a sweet bar, and was looking at it with curiosity. He was just beginning to open the packaging with a superior expression on his face, when the Padawan lunged at him without warning and knocked him to the ground in the motion. And although she was so small, she grabbed the last part of her ration with surprisingly great strength and sat contentedly on the chest of the clone, who rubbed his head. He could have done without the acquaintance with the ground. "I warned you.", Kix mumbled, walking past them and just as he had turned the corner, Captain Rex came from this direction. He stopped with his helmet tucked under his arm and one eyebrow raised. "What happened here?", he asked and Ahsoka grinned broadly and immediately cut Jesse off. "I won.", she beamed and crumpled up the blank paper of the bar, without even thinking about getting up. Jesse could have pushed her down with ease, but somehow he too was enjoying these taunts too much to fight back much.

Rex looked confused for a moment, then began to laugh out loud and held out his hand to the little togruta. "Wonderful kid!"

*~*

She had learned some mando’a during her studies. Not much, but enough to understand the most important things and recognize an offense. She hadn't been able to do much with the knowledge until the evening when she passed a group of clones on the way to her quarters. She had just returned from training with Master Skywalker, because since they hardly spent any time in the Jedi Temple, they had to do the training in the breaks between the missions on the cruiser. She was almost past the group, had greeted politely and was already looking forward to a shower. Then she heard the men laugh and one of them said a few words out loud. She didn't understand everything, but it included her name and an insult. Maybe it was because of her mindless behavior on the last mission, or it was about her behavior in general. 

She paused for a moment and looked back at the men, who watched her slightly annoyed and when no one moved, she lowered her gaze and quickly went to her quarters. She considered going back to Master Skywalker. But at the same time, she didn't wanted to force him to split the men. She knew his opinion, the clones' strength were their relationships with one another. They formed a unit... She was still deep in her thoughts, when she was grabbed by the shoulders and stopped. "Careful, little one. Where are you going so quickly?” She looked up into Rex's calm face, faint amusement played around his eyes. But that disappeared, when she began to babble a brief answer. Something about being tired and going to bed, she saw that he wasn't buying it. 

They had already fought a few missions together and slowly, she got the feeling that the Captain had decided to take her under his wing. Because even if she shouted orders on the battlefield and, since that incident, tried to get all the men out of it alive, he still stayed by her side for a while after the fighting. Until he couldn't stand her jokes and attitude anymore and left his brothers to her mercy. He had never seen her so distracted, actually he had expected a snippy, quick answer. His hand was still on her shoulder and he gently shook it. "If you show who is in charge, no complaint will get beyond my desk."

Said and done. This little assurance, that she was allowed to earn her respect, reignited the fire in her and it only lasted an hour before she had defeated the men in a sparring in the small training room and balanced the helmet of one of them on one hand, it was surprisingly heavy.

*~*

"Hey, Rexter!", she called and luckily, the clone stopped and waited until she caught up. Jesse was with him. "I’ll bet my dessert for the next week, that Hardcase will show up at least twice more at the medbay. Today.", she grinned and looked almost too confident for the taste of the clones. They had learned, that she liked to make smaller bets. The problem was, that she won most of them. Rex wondered, if there was any way he could tame Hardcase for today? He called Cody, Ahsoka's grin widened. Master Kenobi and his Commander were on board and Rex felt it advisable, to ask his best friend before doing anything. "Hey Cody, do you know where Hardcase is?", he asked and earned a loud laugh, Ahsoka could see some restlessness on his face and had to laugh herself. It wasn't like Hardcase had been part of the team for a long time. With a second swing, he had only been incorporated into the 501st with a bit delay and Hardcase had quickly made a name for himself. And Ahsoka happend to be absolutely thrilled by his company, much to Rex's chagrin. He had complained to Cody a few times, but had received no real pity. “I just saw him, seemed to be in a hurry. I didn't wanted to stop him.” Ahsoka heard the broad grin in the Commander's voice, as did Rex. "Oh, I hate you all.", he growled and cut the connection, then tried to reach Hardcase. Of course, there was no reaction. He looked down at Ahsoka, who was still grinning widely. “You are welcome to bet with Jesse, midget-commander. But I'll keep my dessert.", he grumbled and set off to track down Hardcase.

*~*

The nickname stuck for a while, Ahsoka didn't knew whether it bothered her or not. It was kind of funny, but sometimes the clones took it to extremes and with some of them, she had no hesitation to take up the chase while snarling at them. But Jesse and Hardcase had to learn, that Ahsoka also had limits. One was reached when they tried to challenge the girl to a little sparring, but she just sat sadly in the corner and waited. What for was not difficult to guess at, General Skywalker had become very loud during the last conversation with his Padawan and none of the clones dared to speak about it. But apparently, Ahsoka couldn't just go back to business as usual until her Master had calmed down.

A few of them sat together in the canteen by the end of the day and complained about their suffering. It was strangely quiet, when Ahsoka Tano wasn't cracking jokes or squabbling with one of the clones. She wasn't with them now either, she'd retired to a table in a corner and poked at her food. The sight reminded Rex of her first day, only this time no one would dare to steal her plate. Hardcase, who usually planned all the pranks with the young Jedi, wrung his hands. “We can't just let her sit there like that. We wouldn't leave our brothers alone either.” He was quietly approved and there was silence for a few seconds. Then Rex took his dessert, a thing its name they had once again forgotten, and picked it up. “Kid, come here! You won it, didn't you?”, he called and the girl actually lifted her head and came over with a tiny smile. As she plopped down between the men, one patted her back, another pushed a cup of water over to her and Rex let his dessert wander to where she was seated. “And now quickly, vod. Otherwise someone else will take it.", he teased and Ahsoka looked up with huge eyes. For a long time, no one had called her family and all the clones at the table laughed softly, when they saw her face.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About love and loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets add some well known clones, shall we?

Rex stood in the hangar and coordinated the loading of the new supplies. At least, he tried to. Because after Ahsoka joined them, he'd actually given up. She had helped, that was true. But she quickly met Hardcase and threw all of her plans, to continue working, overboard, just like the clone. 

The captain saw a movement out of the corner of his eye and took a quick step to the side, laughing Hardcase ran just past him, Ahsoka perched on his shoulders. Rex looked at them, shaking his head, and was about to turn back to work, when he saw the accident happen. Cody stepped out of a door, followed by Waxer and Boil, and all three were knocked down. Hardacse stumbled and he and the Padawan landed in the pile of troopers on the floor. "What is this supposed to be?", Skywalker asked, joining his Captain. He shook his head, perplexed and tired, how could he keep these people under control? But then, he heard the laughter of everyone who was lying on the floor and actually seemed to enjoy themselves, it made him laugh a little too. Skywalker beside him looked at the whole thing a little longer, a smile tugging at his lips. “Snips, come on! If we get to be late again... “, he let the sentence unfinished and the Togruta came quickly. "I'm here!" 

Rex watched them go for a moment. The girl was chaotic, had a tendency to overestimate herself and exuded such euphoria, that some of his men became increasingly involved in her jokes. But he had also called her his sister and that didn't feel wrong. She was with the clones almost every day, ate with them and had already left her quarters a few times to sneak into the ones of the troops. When Rex caught her doing it, her answer was simple, that it was too quiet in her quarters and that after all the noise on the battlefields, she just couldn't sleep. She didn't distinguished between herself and the clones. Besides, she was a child. And his brothers deserved someone to make them laugh. "Hey vod!", Cody said and his brother snapped his fingers in front of his nose.

*~*

At first she hated the camps, in which she had to hold on for weeks at some missions. In the Jedi Temple there had been at least thick walls that created some privacy and a level floor, and no sharp stones or hills that lay exactly under the mat! So it had become a tradition, that Ahsoka meticulously inspected everything when setting up the tents and chose the place with the levelest floor. It didn't matter to her, whether her tent was there or any other one. The floor there was level, so she would sleep there too! She also liked to complain loudly, when there was simply no good place to sleep. Since this grumbling subsided quickly, it was ignored with a smile and sometimes a chuckle.

But there was something else, she had come to love during these phases in the tents. There was no private place to wash and the compact showers in the large wash tent were open and difficult to regulate, but there was hot water. In the Temple, she only had the pleasure of lukewarm water for washing, the Younglings and Padawans were to be taught abstinence and how they should be grateful for the simple things. And she was very grateful for simple things. For example for the collectors, with which the water was heated up and then came almost boiling hot out of the shower. In return, she had willingly given up every bit of privacy.

"Are you serious?", someone grumbled as a group of clones poured into the tent. It was foggy and Ahsoka just held her face in the hot water jet. She heard the men around her and could almost feel the movement of her neighbors, everyone was so crowded. But it didn't bother her... "Turn off the water, otherwise I'll turn off the collector outside!", Jesse threatened and Hardcase laughed uproariously, he was already under a jet of water, cold like always. He said it grounded him. Ahsoka turned and let the water slap on her shoulders, just a few more seconds... "You wouldn't dare to do that, would you?", she grinned at Jesse, who rolled his eyes and turned on his shower, there was still warm water left, but when the sun went down it would be gone quickly. After a few more seconds, Ahsoka turned off the water and grabbed her towel, one of the few belongings she had on missions. While still in the foggy and full tent, she dried herself off and slipped into her clothes before stepping outside and inhaling the cool air. She loved that, just being able to stand clean and warm. Because they were never really warm or clean in the battlefield. 

"Really Snips, I will never understand you.", her Master muttered, who had probably been waiting for her next to the entrance. “Master, I refuse to wait to shower until all the warm water is used up. And it doesn't bother the men or me. If you would prefer a hot shower, you would definitely also not mind it.", she grinned and stretched. Skywalker smirked and then gestured her to follow him.

Her Master had joined them a little later than usual (his hunt for Grievous was not over yet), as had Rex and a few others. The Clone Captain was standing in the command tent with his helmet tucked under his arm. He looked a little tired, but relatively satisfied. "Rexter, good to see you.", Ahsoka grinned and lined up next to the clone, who actually had to smile and patted her lower back. "Will I still have the chance of a comfortable shower temperature?", he asked and Ahsoka grinned innocently up at him. "If Jesse doesn't uses it all.", she whispered and he rolled his eyes. "Sure.", he muttered, before drawing his and her attention to the news Skywalker had. Well, news for Ahsoka. She listened to the report of the incident at the rishi base and put her chin on her hand, looking strangely concerned. 

"That must be tough, as a first encounter...", she mumbled and Rex laughed next to her. "Since when are first ones easy?" She giggled, then looked up. “If it is okay, they can come into the tent I'm in. There is still plenty of space.", she offered, with the hope that the new men would make friends quickly with her help. At times, the clones could be surprisingly cool when they decided not to take someone in their midst. Even if it was one of theirs. Skywalker smiled. "Is Hardcase in that tent too?", he asked and Ahsoka was confused, but said no. "Then that should work, shouldn't it Rex?", asked her Master and the Captain agreed. Full of energy, Ahsoka wanted to storm away again, still with her towel over her shoulder, when Rex held her back. "Don't let them act up with you, vod'ika." His smile took on a loving trait and she returned it. "Hey, if I get my way, the complaint will end up on your desk, not mine!", she grinned broadly and was gone. 

She found the Dominos quickly. “Oh Hevy, let it be! How about a good night's sleep before you mess with everyone here?", one of them asked, slightly annoyed, and Ahsoka immediately understood, why Skyguy and Rex didn't wanted Hevy and Hardcase in a tent. It would end in a fun, but for Kix exhausting, wrestling match. She came closer and quickly tried to grasp all the details that distinguished the men from one another. She could identify Hevy quite quickly, his tattoo wasn’t that hidden. It would make it easy for her. The one next to him also had a small mark of this kind on his face, but she could only identify it when she got closer. "What do you want, half pint?", asked one with a big grin on his face, his eyes sparkled jokingly but not maliciously. 

"I'm Ahsoka Tano.", she introduced herself and as if you had flipped a switch in the men, they stood at attention. Did Rex talk about her? “Sorry, Sir. Commader Cody had told us about you.”, one of them rattled down, the joker still grinning, but it wasn’t as broad as before. "He just didn't mention that you are so tiny." She puffed her cheeks and was already wondering, if Rex would be mad at her, if one of the shinys ended up at Kix right at the beginning, even if it flattered her that Cody had talked about her. Then two others joined in, de-escalating. "Leave Cutup, he doesn't know when to stop.", said the one with the five on his temple. The two next to him nodded affirmatively. "Yep, just ignore him.", said another and introduced himself as Droidbait. She nodded and let go of her crazy idea, Kix would probably have suffered a nervous breakdown anyway. Hardcase had kept him busy and without Jesse, Kix would have tied and gagged him somewhere. On the way to the tent, she listened to the clones closely, to learn how they talked und acted. The one with the five was actually addressed as Fives and was grinning and having an exchange with the one he called Echo. Ahsoka turned her head briefly and looked at the two, they seemed to be close. Hevy, Cutup and Droidbait were walking behind them and Cutup was wedged in the middle, while the other two teased him. Oh dear, such behavior would drive Jesse mad. The clone had never learned, how to sleep unless everyone was calm and relatively silent. Or if he was totally exhausted.

They entered the tent. “Pick a mat. Except this one! ", she explained and pointed at a sleeping place in the back of the tent. Fives raised an eyebrow and in Echo's eyes she could read the question, even if he didn't ask it. "Why?", Fives asked, grinning. Ahsoka straightened to her full, small, height and crossed her arms. "Because that's the only mat without any pebble under it, and I'll defend it with my life.", she grinned back and Fives laughed. "Okay, understood.", he amused himself, but respected the Padawan's claim to ownership and threw himself on a blank mat a few steps away.

*~*

It should turn out, that Fives wouldn't show her such respect often. She liked the new clones, had Hevy and Cutup describe the fight to her in great detail. How Heavy saved them all with his knowledge! When Hardcase heard the story from the new comrade's mouth for the first time, he laughed his ass off, shortly afterwards they were laughing on the floor and it seemed as if Hardcase would have won, until Rex intervened. That was the second, when she was tempted to tease him with his plan until she got him to the point, where she could finally get him to race her across the camp. But Ahsoka dumped the idea again, she liked it when Rex laughed and didn't want to wipe it off his face. 

The rest of the evening was quiet and Ahsoka almost clapped her hands in joy, when the food actually looked like something edible! The joy lasted only three seconds, Fives snapping a piece of her meal with astonishing elegance. "Never leave the food open for too long.", Echo muttered with a slight grin and Ahoska spun around to him. "And what manual was that in?", she hissed, before chasing after the fleeing Fives. The loud laughter of the rest of the group behind her. 

She also learned, that Echo was the actual leader out of the two. Sure, Fives was level-headed enough to make decisions and loud enough to be heard. But whenever something turned against his brother, Echo came to the fore and took the lead. He put up with criticism better than Fives, who sometimes stood behind his brother a little offset and apologized quietly. Once, Ahsoka had even stumbled upon a fight, a shiny and Echo. She and Rex separated them and it quickly became clear, who had started it. Even if she never thought, that Echo would resort to such means. He was surprisingly composed and calm and she couldn't feel any agitation, even in the force. "You just be done with it like that?", she asked softly, watching Rex send the younger clone away a few meters from them. Echo shrugged and grinned. “Fives didn't hear it and never will! That's what counts."

*~*

She sat there with her mouth open and eyes wide, before jumping hastily from her bunk in her quarters and hurrying to the door. "You made it! And, how does that feel?“, she asked with a broad grin and ran a finger over Echo’s new helmet. Unlike the rest of the armor, they looked no different, but were brand new. Echo smirked and Fives shrugged. "Maybe a little heavier.", he said, fastening his grab on the helmet under his arm and she shook her head. "I didn't mean that, idiot.", she mumbled and now Fives had to laugh, while Echo looked at her openly and she saw something in his eyes, a loss. Who fell on Kamino? "As if he had given it to me.", he said. She never dared to ask, who he was talking about.

*~*

She liked Hevy, he was loud and always ready for a fight. Just like Hardcase, it turned out to be fatal to Kix's nerves having them both train together.

She loved Droidbait, the clone with the small smile was surprisingly good at distracting others from what they were about to do. Instead, they ended up sitting together and playing with some cards, Ahsoka spent almost every quiet evening on the cruiser like that. She lost many desserts to him.

Without Cutup she couldn't imagine to trade barbs with somebody. They could throw many things in each others faces, only to see how desperation grew in the others when they wanted to stop this madness.

Fives was irreplaceable, outwardly he was a bit calmer and more relaxed than his brothers. But if he came around the corner with an idea, it was the best prank Ahsoka had ever seen. They had caught Rex, for the first time ever! He was also a good speaker, more than once she considered going to him before a discussion.

Echo was very much like Fives, they often moved around the camps together. But if Ahsoka ever spent time alone with the reserved clone, a quick-witted and funny comrade would emerge. And his ability to remember everything from the manual was… incredible!

Kix was so important to all of them, even if Ahsoka was sometimes ashamed to rob him of the last nerve. And yet, he received them all again and again with open arms and brotherly rebuke. Sometimes with anger, sometimes.

Jesse was always by her side when she felt a little lonely. He could crack jokes and make bets with her that ended up in her chasing him down the hallways, nagging and laughing. But he was also very careful to stay close to her during battles, without getting in her way. She found it somehow nice, that there was someone who looked after her and did not hold her back, as her Master did in her opinion now and then.

Rex was her oldest brother, even if she had never called him that before. Whenever they were just among the clones or when the Jedi were not listening, he would quietly call her vod'ika and she loved it. He could just sit next to her for hours and look at the chaos with her, that they had to clean up together. But then, there was also this fire with which he spurred her on in fights and trained with her. Whenever she complained about her bruises, she just got another one from him. He was like a big old rock, unbreakable.

She respected Cody, but kept herself out of the way when he and Rex fought in mando’a, in the end no one could win. It was quite amusing, to see the sly twinkle in his eyes, though.

She adored her Master, her Skyguy. Who approached everything with such ease that, despite the death and the devastation around her, she stood beside him with a laugh in front of the droids and enjoyed measuring herself against him. She had worked hard for his trust, and she honored it every time she brought a mission to a successful conclusion on her own.

She needed Master Kenobi, even if she sometimes believed, that Anakin needed him even more. But still it could sometimes not be denied, that his infinite calm and patience did some good for her too.

She admired Padme Amidala for her courage; if she were to choose someone as second master, she might have chosen the Senator. Had they been even closer, Ahsoka might even have seen her as a mother of sorts.

They were all part of her adopted family. Some were closer to her than others, and few did not even know she was thinking that way. And yet they were all there, always.

*~*

She was different since they came back. Rex and Cody had first noticed it, when she immediately ran after her Master as he left the Jedi Temple. The two looked at each other for a long second, they thought the same thing. It was unusual for the girl, to be so clingy. Hardcase noticed, when she turned down his invitation to a small trial of strength. "Who knows, where this would go.", she had said quickly and was gone. Fives noticed it, when they were working on a droid together. She wired it incorrectly and it pinched the clone's hand, before she hastily ripped the cable out again. Fives wasn't entirely untalented himself and was used to work with her on the droids, but nothing like that had ever happened! Echo noticed, when he tried to teach her about the next planet. She was distracted and when he touched her arm, she nealy jumped off the bunk.

Kix was the first, after all, to confirm that something was indeed wrong. General Skywalker had turned up one evening, he justified it by not wanting to burden the Jedi with it. Even he knew, that the clones knew Ahsoka very well. He didn't really said what happened, but asked whether a near-death experience might stick for a long time. Kix reported it to Rex, Cody, and Jesse. That same evening, Cutup complained that Ahsoka consistently stayed out of the clone quarters for the first time in a long time. Echo threatened, that he would give the girl another week to tell them what was wrong, Rex silently agreed.

In the end, they didn't had to wait that long. One night the door slid open and Ahsoka carefully shook Kix awake.

"Commander, do you have any idea what time it is?", he scolded in a whisper, but got up anyway and accompanied her out into the hallway. He watched her try to smile. “No, I lost my watch. What time is it?“, she asked and the smile looked innocent, but her eyes looked everywhere, just not at him. He looked at her whole figure, she was drenched in sweat. "Isn't it a little late for training?", he asked seriously, knowing that the Jedi were strange sometimes. But Ahsoka had never seemed THAT strange to him. "Actually, I can't sleep and I was wondering, if you might have something for me.", she mumbled now and deliberately lowered her eyes to her feet. Kix hesitated for a moment, forcing Ahsoka to sleep with sedatives was not the best way, to deal with her obvious problem. It would only postpone the nightmares she must have been having. There were better cures for anxiety, than numbing it...Then he remembered one of the plans Hardcase, Hevy, Echo and Fives had made in their desperation and slowly nodded. A much better way, to deal with fear.

"Actually, there is something.", he smiled, grabbed her and dragged her into the quarters. There, he threw her into Fives' bunk, they both knew that the clone would simply grab everything he could get a hold of in his sleep. Trapped, she looked up angrily at Kix, who was very pleased with himself. This way, he would be able to go back to sleep and Ahsoka had no chance to wander the hallways at night. He also hoped, that a little closeness to someone alive and warm would calm her down. Because, if he was honest, this was something the Jedi would never do for her. "Good night, Commander.", he grinned and layed down again.

The next morning started just before sunrise with a whimpering Ahsoka. Wet and cold she sat up and woke Fives, Jesse and Kix, who had slept worse than he expected the rest of the night. There was a patient nearby, whom he needed to keep an eye on. Panicked, she looked around and took in the sight of the quarter, so warm and calm. When was the last time it was so beautiful? "I'm dead, right?", she mumbled in panic and it alerted the clones that were awake. Fives pulled her into an embrace from behind, she was freezing cold. Jesse mentally made a note to speak to Rex, and maybe the General, and Kix got up and rummaged in his, always ready, backpack for a sedative. "Not as long, as I can hold a band-aid.", he announced with a gentle smile and let her slide back into a light slumber. 

He would learn, in a few hours, that her stomach couldn't take things like that at all. But what happened did not come out of her mouth, ever.

*~*

The day was beautiful, it had started sunny and with a couple of laughing younglings in the hallway. She dodged them grinningly and went to see her brothers, with a monthly ration of chocolate. She had lost, unfortunately. Fives or Echo alone had always lost the bets. But now, the two brothers had teamed up and her betting balance went straight down. The door to the quarters slid open and with a big grin she crept in, the clones were still asleep. It seemed liked it had been a long evening... With ease, like every Jedi, she swung onto Kix's bunk. He was sound asleep, one hand clutching his datapad. By the Force, this man was almost worse than Rex. However, the Captain had developed the ability to live only on caf and dessert, something that Kix couldn't manage. Sighing, she let herself tilt back and dangled head over in the lower bunk, Jesse. She grinned and stared at him, then started a small countdown in her head. 

"Five, four, three..." Before she reached two, Jesse opened his eyes, saw the girl and grimaced, before he grabbed something nearby and threw it at her. She skilfully dodged and laughed, that woke the others up. "Is that how you greet your chocolate?", laughed Ahsoka and sank to the floor. "Finally!" Fives practically threw himself out of bed on top of her, Hardcase and Cutup followed immediately. Buried beneath them, Ahsoka clutched the chocolate as tightly as she could. "Help?", she asked muffled and someone seemed to have mercy, Echo and Droidbait laughingly grabbed their brothers and pulled them apart. 

*~*

The day was horrible. She crouched and massaged her temples, Master Plo glanced at her again, as did Wolffe next to him. "Are you okay, little Soka?", the Jedi asked calmly and she forced a smile, her legs tingling as she stood up. How long had she been sitting in the hangar? “Yes, Master Plo. I'm just a little... tired.", she explained bluntly and clenched her hands into fists, she felt so endlessly tired and restless at the same time. As if she was waiting for something, she knew wouldn't happen. "I can understand, if the death of Master Piell is hard to deal with for you.", he started and she took a deep breath, that had also happened... God, her head hurted. "Yeah, exactly... I'll lie down a bit.", she mumbled and turned to leave. She heard Wolffe chasing after her. "Is there anything else, Commander?", she asked, turning to face him. The clone was finally catching up, and although she could feel an unexpected affection, his face remained as cool as almost always. 

"Commander, could I come up with a suggestion for a solution to your problem.", he asked and Ahsoka shrugged her shoulders, then she looked at him directly and something inside of her seemed to breack and her calm facial features slipped away from her. She wanted to cry, scream, and blame someone. Wolffe let the second pass and then he smiled, it was a real smile. “Afterwards, my brothers and I drink so much together that we don't remember how to walk. And the next morning, it's somehow easier to carry on and remember the good things. ” She had to smile, somehow she liked the idea. But Echo deserved better. “Thank you Wolffe, but no. I don't think that will solve my problem.", she mumbled tiredly and left Commander Wolffe and his concerned gaze behind. 

At her privat quarters, she quickly closed the door, she didn't wanted to burden the other clones with her melancholy any more. It took exactly one second, before she had already grabbed her pillow and screamed into it. She screamed for a long time, until her voice was hoarse and low. Then she moved on to just sitting in the corner and staring at her feet. There was a knock, she didn't open. She didn't want to see anyone. Her comlink blinked and she accepted the request, it could have been someone important. Even though, it couldn't possibly be important enough to get her to stand up now. She had expected Master Skywalker or Kenobi. Maybe even Rex or Cody too. 

"Vod’ika, open the door.", he called to her. Her brother sounded tired and exhausted, even though he hadn't even been there... She switched off her comlink and clawed her hands into the sensitive lekku until it hurt. Why was all of this so hard? It wasn't the first clone she'd lost on the battlefield! There was another knock, more forcefully. This time she could hear the gruff voice in her dark quarters through the door. "Open up now, or we'll do it!", he growled, she did not move an inch. After a few seconds, her door actually opened. Jesse and Kix stood in front of it, of course the Medic had access to everything, that was necessary to ensure the health of everyone. Also the codes for the personal quarters. Jesse's face was hardend and slyghtly worried, just like his voice. Kix, on the other hand, seemed to be in agony and was already preparing something while walking. A sedative, Ahsoka assumed. She threw herself violently against her brothers' hands. 

"No, stay away with that stuff!", she screamed and Kix paused, he knew exactly how she would react to such things and yet, he wanted to ease her for a few hours as well. She looked at him and suddenly, she was no longer angry, just sad. Everyone around her looked so sad and tired, that she had no right to be angry, right? Tears appeared in her eyes and she hastily wiped them away, only more came. "Where's Fives?", she muttered, the need to see him suddenly became overwhelming and she tried to get up. He had lost his closest brother and she felt bad, for not being with him. “Asleep, Hardcase and Hevy had to hold him down. He'll be okay.", Kix mumbled and suddenly more figures appeared behind Jesse, who turned his head back a little and let the other two clones pass. Hardcase looked so calm and she had never seen Rex so broken before. At that moment, something broke in her, something from which an unexpected seriousness and disenchantment would grow with her getting older. Now, she could no longer hold on and began to tremble, she realized why attachments where forbidden among the jedi. Rex leaned down and pulled her to her feet, Hardcase and Jesse grabbed her arms und hips and held her upright. "Come on, vod'ika.", Rex said and she took the first step.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everything is crashing down, just hold on.

Ahsoka grumbled, tried to wake up and looked around the quarters. She had willingly given her private ones to Rex, the clone had looked so tired and the constant chattering of Hardcase and Hevy didn’t made it any better. Since the death of Echo, he had left his quarters and gone to sleep with his brothers. He had only one desk left, his bunk always unmade and bare, and she wouldn’t let him sleep at it! Now she was lying in the upper bunk, which the Captain usually occupied, and looked around. Below her she could hear Jesse snoring softly, Hardcase and Kix were in the beds at her feet. Opposite were the bunks for Fives, Echo, Cutup and Hevy. A heavy blow went through her, Echo’s bed would stay cold. But she had mourned, she had shed tears and sat with Fives for many hours and let him rest his head on her shoulder. Now she saw the remaining four men of the batch lying on a bed, all entwined and snoring softly.

She was glad, without the rest of his family it might have hurt Fives even worse to lose his closest brother. As it was, the chaos batch, as they now almost affectionately called them, had survived quite well and meanwhile continued to return to a kind of normal life.

She hopped quietly out of the bunk and slipped back into her clothes, she couldn’t miss her shuttle. She hurried across the cruiser, trying to shove a bite of early breakfast into herself and at the same time to be calm inside. After half an hour, not only was her Master waiting for her at the ship, Rex was there too. And next to him Hardcase, Jesse and Kix. How they were always on their feet so quickly was a mystery to her. “You can do this, I know it.”, her Master smiled and she grinned teasingly. “So no ‘good luck’?”, she asked and Skywalker grinned back. “No, you don’t need that.” With that he took a few steps back and Ahsoka smiled broadly at him again, before turning to the clones. “Commander.”, said Rex and Ahsoka returned his gentle smile. Then a feeling of concern arose in her, like a presage. “I heard you all are leaving for Umbara today?”, she asked softly and the men nodded. She looked at each one. “Be careful and watch out for the others, will you?”, she asked softly and something made her heart contract. “As always, vod'ika.”, Hardcase grinned and she striked hands with him, his restless energy transferred to her and put a grin on her face. Jesse and Kix leaned against each other and nodded to her and she turned back to Rex. “Fives will be angry because you didn’t wake him.”, grinned the Captain and she smirked, not only would Fives be full with rage, the others would also have wanted to wish her good luck… “Good luck.”, smiled Rex and Ahsoka knew attachments were forbidden. But she felt so connected with the clones, that had simply adopted her into the family.

*~*

She knew it before she got on the cruiser. Something was different, very different. She had not yet been able to read any reports about Umbara, the successfull exam had required a few rituals and then Master Plo and the wolf pack had invited her to a flight over the city. To celebrate the day, so to speak. But now, her heart was pounding hard against her ribs and she gasped, something was terribly wrong! The shuttle landed and immediately she jumped out, the hatch not yet fully open. She looked around and the hangar was empty except for the clones on duty. Unusual for their troops, usually there were always clones somewhere, who just watched to pass the time. Her Master was not there, but she could sense Master Kenobi and went to see him. She found him in one of the quarters, Cody was with him. They seemed to be having a deep conversation when she knocked and stepped through the already open door. Kenobi looked up and a tired smile appeared on his face. “Ahsoka, how nice to see you. I heard you passed?”, he asked and she nodded before taking a seat next to him and Cody at his wave. “What happened?”, she asked immediately and shivered, pulling up her shoulders, all this gave her goose bumps and she could see how Cody’s fingers tightened around the helmet on his knees. Kenobi smiled encouragingly at his Commander, then turned to the Padawan. “It’s good that you’re back. Anakin will probably stay away for a while and I hardly think, that my presence means the same to the men as yours.“ She was not deterred. "What happened?”, she asked again.

When she left the quarters with Cody, her head spun and the world turned slightly. The Commander grabbed her shoulder carefully and held her upright. “Are you okay?”, he asked and she nodded, pressing her fingers against her temples. “Krell is not that innocent.”, she stated. The Jedi hadn’t mentioned anything unusual, but it was obvious. She didn’t knew of any clone who would aim his weapon at a Jedi. Especially not the young Dogma, she had seen only a few times before. “No, Rex told me.”, Cody replied and she could hear the bitterness faintly. He hadn’t been with the 501st or the ones who fought them, but they’d already got an overview of the fallen. Many had been very close to him, and in the end each of them had been his brother. She knew clones from both troops, her heart clenched as it had before she left. “Hardcase…”, she mumbled, choked and slumped to the floor, her face buried in her hands. “I knew it!”, she cursed with tears on her face and Cody stood there for a moment, before he shook her shoulders lightly. “We have to pull ourselves together, vod!” The word tore her from her convulsive crying fit and she immediately swallowed more tears. “Are you serious?”, she asked softly, slightly startled, and she knew that Cody’s eyes had always been warm. But what flowed through her now was the feeling of home. “Stand up.”

She crept quietly to the quarters and the door slid open silently. The sight was devastating. The Dominos had pulled into a corner and were together as she had left them. However, this time none of them slept. Five’s eyes were still filled with the horror of Umbara, when he looked up at her. Kix and Jesse slept in another bunk, looking pale and exhausted. The shadows under the eyes of all the clones scared Ahsoka and she put her bag down. The dull sound caught the attention of her younger brothers and she was about to say something, when Hevy stood up and threw his arms around her. Stunned, she grabbed the clone and hugged him tightly, he was shaking terribly and his fingers clawed into the fabric of her cloak. Carefully, she began to pat his back and as if she had flipped a small switch, the clone began to whimper helplessly. The sound didn’t really matched Hevy in her head and she carefully navigated him back to the bed and pulled him between her and his brothers. Only now did she realize, that all the clones were shaking somehow. Hevy and Cutup literally shivered violently and Droidbait kept rubbing his arms too. When she looked closely at Fives, she could see his fingers trembling. Whatever had happened, he seemed in the best shape to tell her his side of the story.

She kept herself together for a long time and waited between the clones until everyone except Fives slept. Then she got up and walked over to Jesse and Kix, both winced when the Commander’s shadow fell on them and were immediately wide awake. “Don’t!”, Kix begged and flinched, Jesse already bared his teeth. Then they recognized the Togruta and both slumped. It hurted so much, to see them like that and she crawled over to them. She was welcomed into their midst and sat helpless for a moment. She hadn’t had to comfort any of her brothers for a long time, she only hesitantly began to run her fingers over Jesse’s head and use her fingertips to draw small patterns on Kix’s neck. It calmed her when they both relaxed a bit and Jesse even fell back into a restless slumber. Kix stayed awake and clutched his brother’s arm. Their heads rested on Ahsoka’s upper stomach and she almost missed it, when Kix spoke softly. “I’m sorry…”, he managed to whisper and suddenly Fives was with them and patted his brother’s shoulder. “It’s okay, not your fault.”, he muttered and the calming phrases only faded away, when Kix had fallen asleep again. “How long hasn’t he slept?”, she asked softly, trying to remember how long they had been of Umbara now. “If you don’t count the short minutes he was just out? Five days, maybe six.“, Fives shrugged his shoulders and when Ahsoka raised her arms, he complied with her request and lifted her out of the bunk of the other two clones, so she didn’t had to climb over Kix and wake him again.

Together they left the room and Ahsoka looked closely at Fives, he avoided her gaze. For the first time since she knew him, he wasn’t looking directly at her. "What happened? I already have information from Master Kenobi, but what happened really?”, she asked and Fives began to rattle the events of Umbara down, almost whispering. An hour passed, then two, then three. They sat in front of the quarters, leaned against the wall and the words just came out of Fives. At some point, he became quiet and when he looked at his Commander again, he didn’t knew how to react. They had all seen Ahsoka in different moments, and they knew her grief. Her nightsmares. Anger too. She had shown so much of it, after Echo was gone. But he had never seen such deep guilt in her eyes. Her face was pale and she was breathing heavily. "I suspected it.”, she mumbled full of remorse and anger, she was so angry with herself. She should have stayed when the uneasy feeling arose! She could have replaced her Master on the battlefield, or at least stopped Krell! But she hadn’t stayed, because the Jedi had asked for her… Never again, she vowed to herself. She would never again leave her men alone, just because the Order called for her! She couldn’t allow the men to be forced into such plans. Or that they suddenly had to point the guns at eachother!

Fives saw the fire suddenly flare up in her eyes and she got back on her feet, when would this girl break under all that pressure? How great could her will be? “Where’s Rex?”, she asked and Fives got up too. “In his quarters, working. Hardly eats, does not sleep. Threw out Kix and all the other medics, won’t let any of us in. Cody tried it too, I tried it.“, Fives muttered, since the death of Echo he and Rex had been much closer than before. Because he suspected, that Rex was just as clinging to every little bit of his family as he was. "He even locked out the General.”, he stated soberly and Ahsoka paused, that was not like the Rex she knew. “Then let’s go.”

They met Cody in front of the clone’s quarters, he was pounding on the door. He yelled at his brother in mando’a, Ahsoka heard a few heated insults and hurried over. Soothingly, she put a hand on the clone’s arm and he paused. “You are here.”, he sighed in relief and part of the tension left his body, seemed to pass into the young Jedi and she straightened her back. “I’m going in there, Cody. Whether he wants it or not!“, she promised and watched as Fives and Cody nodded worriedly. She felt the looks of the two men, as she knocked carefully on the door. “Rex, it’s me. Open the door, please.”, she said just loud enough and waited a few seconds, nothing moved and it reminded her bitterly of the day, when she locked herself inside her quarters. “I’m coming in now.”, she just said and checked the keypad, locked. Without further ado, she began short-circuiting it; she would be able to repair the damage later. She had learned a lot from Master Skywalker, after a few seconds the door slid open about halfway and the light from the hallway fell into the dim quarters. Fives and Cody hesitated, seeing their brother sitting at the desk. It was as if he hadn’t heard her at all. Determined, Ahsoka slipped through the crack, congratulated herself in silence on still being so small and thin, and calmly approached the clone.

“Rex?”, she asked quietly, no response. On the table was a half-drunk cup of caf, cold. “Rex.”, she said a little louder and put a hand on his shoulder. She had expected a lot, just not his new reflexes. In a flash he had looked up, freed himself and her hands firmly in his grip. She saw Fives and Cody squeezing through the door and shook her head, not wanting to hurt Rex any more. “Rex, let go.”, she requested gently, the Captain shook his head, as if he was trying to dispel a nightmare. “Rexter, it’s me. Ahsoka.“, she tried, now hopefully and the grip loosened. She carefully grabbed his face and stopped his headshaking, he looked terrible. Even in this little light, his skin seemed pale and his face strangely sunken. He was shaking, not as badly as Heavy, but more than Fives. She looked at the other clones. "Help me.”, she mumbled, Rex seemed to have lost all tension in his body and the whole armor was surprisingly heavy. She was sure, she hadn’t minded it so much otherdays. Carefully, Cody and Fives grabbed their brother and, with Ahsoka’s help, dragged him onto the long unused bed. She still held his face gently as he sat. “Cody, Fives. Can you find something to eat? I am sure there is a tart from Master Plo in my bag somewhere. And water, I think he had enough caf.” She and Cody looked disapprovingly at the desk and while Fives was on his way to fetch the tart, the Commander picked up the cup and a few other things. He let out a few curses and Ahsoka smiled, although that was very inappropriate given the situation. “You don’t happen to have a medic left who wasn’t involved in all of… this?”, she asked and Cody sighed, then nodded. “Give me a few minutes.”, he mumbled exhausted and disappeared too. She watched him go, it was goddamn luck that the Commander hadn’t had anything to do with Krell on Umbara! He shot well and she didn’t knew, if he could have lived with it. But Rex would have to!

Ahsoka was very patient. It took a long time before Cody and Fives came back. She patted the Captain’s cheek again and again and he seemed to reappear a bit, at some point he actually looked at her and she could have cried of joy to see the recognition in his eyes. “Ahsoka, you’ve come back.”, he muttered and she gave him a desperate smile. “But of course, why shouldn’t I come back?”, she whispered and her brother broke in her hands. He didn’t cry tears, but the sobs still shook his whole body. He hastily wrapped his arms around the girl and Ahsoka returned the hug, wiggling up to him on the bed. At some point he began to mumble, choked and softly, but there. “Vod’ika, I couldn’t … I should have…” Carefully, she ran her fingers over his head, similar to Jesse’s before. “It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.”, she muttered. Of course, he didn’t believe her. He was shaking even more now. “Why are you back again?”, he whispered, sounding strangely suspicious. Ahsoka immediately pulled back a little and looked at Rex, he looked so defeated. “I betrayed our brothers, why are you here again? With me…”Ahsoka drew her eyebrows together, her stomach hurt at the sight and she wanted to cry, but didn’t. There were more important things to do. “You also are my brother.”, she simply replied softly and pressed a kiss to his temple. The small spark of seriousness and her big heart had made her an emphatic, young woman.

He asked again and again and at some point Ahsoka couldn’t help herself anymore and grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. “You are my brother and there is nothing that could get me to ever leave your side or that of the others again! You took me in and built me up, now I’ll do the same for you! You are my brother and I will not let you go down like this!“, she growled, in Rex’s eyes she saw a certain clarity for the first time that evening. He stared into her angry face and suddenly, the tears came. “I love you, vod'ika.” he muttered, and she let him bury his face in her shoulder. “Me too, Rexter.”, she muttered, rocking them both back and forth until Cody and Fives came back.

*~*

Now it was official, Skywalker was insane. However, there was a Jedi on board, who could easily hold a candle to him. And, without exception, all of the clones jumped away ,as she made her way to the bridge. With eyes sparkling with anger, she went to her Master and Rex, who was standing upright on his own for the first time since she had come back. Of course, he immediately got back to work, as if it would help dispel the horror faster. Skywalker had asked about Rex’s health, but accepted the quick and easy answer. As if he didn’t knew his Captain’s self-destructive drive. “You and you!”, Ahsoka hissed and pointed to the two men. “How dare you? Rex, get out of here. Now!” Her brother looked at her for a few seconds through his helmet. "That’s an order!”, she barked again and finally, he obeyed and got out of the way. “Master, have you even looked at the men? No one is able to fight at the moment, most have only slept a few hours in the past few days! It’s irresponsible to…” Master Skywalker immediately interrupted her. “There is a war, Ahsoka.”, he said quietly, making her even more annoyed. “And these are people, not machines! You can’t send them back into battle so soon, after all this, there are hardly any men left anyway! Have you even read a report about Umbara, just a single one? “, she snapped and the clones on deck ducked their heads, never before had anyone heard the Commander roar like that. Not to talk about that being that up close. Now, Anakin Skywalker got angry too, they shouted at each other for a few minutes, until Ahsoka suddenly became calm and collected herself. For a moment, her Master thought he had won. “As Commander, I refuse to pass the order on to the Captain! These clones won’t move out.”, she hissed and disappeared again.

She looked up at her Master, she really did! But she got an uneasy feeling, as she trudged angrily down the hallways. She passed a couple of open quarters and whenever she looked inside she saw men, broken men! How could her Skyguy miss that? She stopped at a door, the clone was sitting alone in a corner pulling his hair. Unlike most clones, they were long enough for that. "Soldier?”, she asked quietly and entered the room, the agitated mood hit her and almost made her stumble. And there was only one man in this room!

“Are you okay?”, she asked again and crouched down in front of the clone. He looked up and the corner of his mouth twitched. “What do you want from me?”, he asked quietly and Ahsoka offered her hand, she didn’t wanted the man to be afraid of her. “Ahsoka Tano.”, she introduced herself and with a tired handshake he also introduced himself. “Tup.”, he mumbled softly and she smiled. “Can I help, Tup?”, she asked just as quietly as before and slid into a cross-legged seat in front of his bunk, preparing for a long conversation.

In the end, she had a real hatred for her Master. And her anger came at Fives too, a bit milder though than at Skywalker. “Oh you!”, she growled and was tempted, to slap his face, before simply wrapping her arms around him. He was confused. “What did I do?”, he asked worried and felt her shiver briefly. “Never hide anything from me again! Especially not, if only your big mouth saved you!” Jesse didn’t escape her either, but he caught a hefty push from her at breakfast. She was sorry, he winced violently. But when she began to talk her anger out, his face lit up and Ahsoka decided to stick with the loud scolding. From that day on, she always forgot the formalities when she could no longer hold back her deepest worries.

* ~ *

Of course they all got on good terms again, she loved her Master so much and yet, he was sometimes blind to the people in front of him. They had invaded the slave empire and although none of them got away without a trace, they digested it faster than other missions. Then came the day, when Rex tried desperately to keep two mad commanders under control, he only managed to keep Cody in place. Finally, his brother could still be dealt with reasonably and in the end Cody admitted quietly, that his men needed him after all. And that, because of that, he couldn’t go on a breakneck quest for revenge, even if every fiber of his loyalty cried out to take the enemy apart like all the droids every day. He was forced to be content with just the idea of tearing the shooter’s head off with his bare hands. Ahsoka was not, Rex had tried to appeal to her sanity over his own anger, but was he powerless. She was already hard to hold back and General Skywalker supported the whole thing. It took months for them, to completely leave this thing behind. Ahsoka noted one evening, that she felt that her Master would never quite take it. Rex didn’t say anything.

* ~ *

“Hey, Rex.”, Ahsoka muttered and entered the tent. She had refused to leave, before the camp was up and the first wave pushed back. Rex was sitting at his makeshift desk, even here he still had paperwork and she didn’t wanted to know, how it looked at Codys. “I have to go.”, she admitted as the Captain looked up at her, guilt welling up inside her. She had promised, not to leave the men alone under any circumstances. Never! And certainly not because of the people, whose call she now obeyed. Because she was a Jedi and those, who raised her and took her in, needed her. She had a good feeling about this battle. But when she thought of the Temple, her stomach knotted and it was difficult for her to breathe, something was waiting for her there and it would not be nice.

Rex got up and walked over to her, looked at her, then grabbed her hand. He squeezed it hard enough to show, that they were going to fight, but gently enough to ease her guilt. “Don’t worry, we’ll be fine. Hevy found the flamethrower.“, he joked, but his eyes looked tired at the thought. She giggled and squeezed his hand back. "Then let the stuff wander on my table, I’ll deal with it.“

* ~ *

Things never ended up on her desk, even though Hevy nearly burned the camp down. Jesse made no move to help, he laughed his ass off. It was thanks to the quick reflexes of Droidbait, that only one tent entrance was slightly charred. Kix almost had a nervous breakdown and Fives, as always, didn’t made it any better.

Rex wished, he could have told her. But he sat here, like all the other clones, staring at the transmission. Fives and Wolffe, who, to the surprise of many, could handle cables nad wires better than many others, had managed to crack one of the cameras and share the signal with them. Many sat in the room, huddled together waiting for the inevitable.

* ~ *

Ahsoka stared at Barriss, who looked away. Everything rushed past her, in something near to a trance, she was escorted back to the Temple and she just let everything go on around her. She felt so betrayed, so utterly lonely. Her brothers hadn’t taken part in the hunt, but Wolffe had. Of course, he had no choice, but she no longer knew whether he would give her another brotherly tip after the blow she had given him. She stared sideways at Plo Koon, and the stinging in her chest got worse. Next to him was Obi Wan Kenobi, she felt sick. None of the great Jedi Masters had believed her, no one had stood by her side! She looked ahead, her Master walked half a step in front of her and kept looking over his shoulder, as if he were looking to see if she was still there. She was so grateful, but she was still hurt. He hadn’t tried to save her from the start, only when she tried to save herself. Perhaps his strength was, that he put himself first. Not the Jedi, not Ahsoka, not even Obi Wan. Oh, she didn’t doubt that he would have thrown himself between her and a tank anytime, if he had to. Nor did she doubt his affection, which rolled towards her in waves through the Force. But she doubted whether she could rely on him unconditionally. Whether she could still rely on anyone …

All of these thoughts got worse and louder when she turned her back on the temple. Had any of the Jedi ever thought anything good of her, ever? Or did she not matter, as it was with a lot of things for the Jedi? She didn’t knew, where her feet were taking her, until she stood in front of the barracks and heard the loud celebrations from one of the buildings. What did they have to celebrate on this black day? She would have liked to be there, but she was afraid that Wolffe would point the blaster at her again when she stood in front of him. She took her time, in the Force she slipped along every single one in the room and bathed a little in the laughter and singing, her mind seemed to vibrate with awe as the mandalorian songs sounded from so many throats at the same time. Then, she was done.

Rex looked up and paused, before letting his gaze wander. Cody looked around too, he seemed to be looking for something and Cutup was so confused, that he even set the bottle down to look around. Fives put a hand on his shoulder from behind, Wolffe was with him. "Was that her?”, he mumbled softly. Rex knew, what he meant, what his men and the two commanders had felt. As if someone had sneaked around them, unseen and unheard. He knew this feeling, as if a voice without a sound sneaked into his head and listened to him a little, before it disappeared again. He got up and looked around again. “She has to be outside.”, he replied to Fives. “Wait here and keep your eyes open, who knows what she has planned.”, he tried to grin, but his feeling told him that none of her pranks would follow.

Carefully he pushed himself out of the crowd and out the door, the cooling evening air hit him, the sun had just disappeared behind the horizon. He looked around searching, and almost missed her receding figure. “Wait!”, he called and hurried in her direction, she stopped. But she didn’t look up when he caught up to her. “Where are you going? Come with me and join us.”, he suggested, the thought that she had tricked certain death was energyzing and he wanted to share this feeling with her. But she shook her head in a small motion, didn’t look up. He became more careful. “How about a bit of sleep then? Your bunk is made.“, he offered more calmly, but she just shook her head again. This time, it shook her body with it. "I’m sure everyone would love to see you, Commander.” As soon as the word had escaped his lips, she looked up. She was crying, it had been a while since he’d seen her shed tears.

He was confused, why was she crying? Every bit of joy in him turned to worry and he reached out to her, without actually touching her. “What happened, vod'ika?” She sniffed and wiped her face. “Go back to your men. The party sounds great.“, she said simply and he furrowed his eyebrows. Something went wery wrong here, but what exactly? "Ahsoka, talk to me.”, he insisted and she shuddered again. She looked down at the floor again, as if there was an appropriate answer. “I’ll go.”, she mumbled, barely audible, and for a moment he thought, it might be a mistake. But she said nothing more, looked down and shivered. “The Council still excluded you?”, he asked, she shook her head. Suddenly the pieces fell into place and despair overcame him. “Stay, please.”, he muttered and this time, his hand actually landed on her shoulder. She looked at him, he could see how betrayed she really felt. “If not for the Jedi, then for the boys.”, he muttered and could watch her eyes grow cold.

“None of these men owe me their loyalty, who guarantees me that one of them won’t hold a grudge against me and make a short end to it?”, she growled, her voice strengthened by the anger and panic. She was afraid of going back to normal after all of this. But even more afraid, she was of being alone against the world. “Who can I trust, if I don’t trust myself?”, she asked softly and the tears ran down again, she was angry about it. All day long she had swallowed this knot in her throat and now, in front of Rex of all places, she lost this fight too. She didn’t wanted him to look at her pityingly. She didn’t wanted, to show any weakness. But then she saw the Captain’s gaze harden too. “We trust you, always had! If you really want to be alone, then my brothers will not stop you.” Then he relaxed a bit and for the first time, Ahsoka was afraid of what he might say. “But if you still want us with you, we will find a way.” She said nothing, she would not crawl in front of the Council again and bow down to the will of others. She was terrified. “Please don’t go away. We will find a way to handle things without the Council. Become a General, go your way. We would follow you.“, the clone muttered and his eyes showed his fear of being left alone. She shivered again and then she broke down, after all these years she just broke.

How could she not trust her brothers? With tears on her face and a lump in her throat, her knees gave way and she sagged to the floor. She buried her face in her hands, she already knew what she was going to do. She couldn’t do without them, not again. They shouldn’t have to doubt her, she always trusted them with everything she had. Hands grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m scared.”, she choked out and was ashamed. But Rex didn’t blame her, either for her fear of the Council or of losing her family. Leaning his chin on her head, he just rocked her back and forth and let her cry. “I know, vod'ika. I know.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll go get some men, there's a war out there and someone has to do something, right?” What Anakin Skywalker didn't expect was, that she would simply demand most of Torrent.

She was standing in front of the Council, with her hands clenched behind her back. She knew what to do. Her terms stood and she refused to leave the Council alone to vote. Finally Plo Koon spoke up. 

“I don't see, what would speak against it. It shows great selflessness, that she has returned.”, he said and finally, it was Master Windu of all people, who agreed with him. “I agree, having such control over your emotions deserves this reward.” Most of them quietly agreed, only a few voices turned against them. "I support this.", Obi-Wan Kenobi announced after a few seconds of the babble of voices and she looked up, her gaze met his and she winced as if she had been hit. He had also been her mentor and now she stood here, left alone by all the Jedi Masters. "All right, Padawan Tano.", Yoda agreed with a smile that actually eased the pain in her chest. A tiny bit. 

* ~ *

Proud and somehow in tune with herself, she had returned to her old quarters in the Temple and packed up her things. Her fingers tingled with excitement and she was electrified, when she looked in the mirror and saw her new robes. She only took off her headdress, it seemed wrong to present it after the betrayal. In the end, it was just another evidence of the weakness of so many. Her own, those of the Council… Since passing the exam two days ago, she wore a headdress that looked a little like the shape of the clone helmets, something she was very proud of!

The last few days had not been easy, but she knew what she was fighting for. Just as she finished thinking about it, there was a knock on her door and she opened it. It wasn't as if she could shut out the other Jedi from now on... Anakin Skywalker stood in front of her and a sad smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, the sight of him noticeably depressed her mood. "Master, how can I help you?", she asked cautiously and turned back to her small luggage. "I just wanted to tell you... I'm still proud of you.", Skywalker mumbled from behind her and she sighed, against her will the praise was like balm for her soul. But when he reached out to touch her shoulder, her back straightened and the alarm went off in her head. The last touch of a Jedi had ended in incredible pain, so she dodged him and stared at him. "Thank you Master.", she managed and saw the pain in his eyes, but found no strength in her, to overcome hers to alleviate his.

"What are you going to do now?", Anakin asked after a few seconds of silence, this was the easy part for her and she swung her small bag over her shoulder. “I’ll go get some men, there's a war out there and someone has to do something, right?” What Anakin Skywalker didn't expect was, that she would simply demand most of Torrent. 

* ~ * 

"What do you plan to do with your men?", the Chancellor asked calmly, watching Ahsoka straighten her back. “I'll be honest, I want to get these men of of the battlefield. If I could, I would save them all. I'm a Jedi, my job is to keep the peace and these clones have agreed to do the same.", she explained and observed her surroundings closely, one of the senators present spoke up angrily. "So you want to weaken our army?", he yelled and Ahsoka was so infinitely grateful to Fives, that he had put the words in the perfect order for her beforehand. He was a better speaker than she was. “No, but I want to expand the function of our troops. If the Republic wants to hold conquered worlds, they must also be rebuilt. We would devote ourselves to humanitarian aid and join the battles, if it is necessary.”, she pressed out, wanting to be as quick-tempered as the politicians around her. But that would only let the plan fail, the Jedi in the group had to stand behind her idea. 

The people in the room got loud and she wanted to wrap her arms around herself, but resisted the temptation. Finally, the Chancellor called for calm and quiet. "I think, this is a lovely idea! You have my permission.", he said and she knew, that his smile had always seemed so kind before. But suddenly, there was this strange look around his eyes, as if he had lost one battle and won another at the same time. 

* ~ *

"We... did it.", she announced, fingers intertwined and a little tired. She was standing in the doorway to her brothers' quarters and was completely blown away, but she relaxed a little when Kix came up to her and patted her shoulder, satisfied. Hevy and Cutup were less subtle, they wrapped their arms around the Togruta and almost cracked her bones. She finally laughed and clutched the two clones before letting Hevy lift her up. Under her protest he put her on his shoulders and her laughter echoed into the hallway, the others became curious and joined them. "You did it?", Tup asked incredulously, but enthusiastically. Ahsoka nodded and the news immediately went through the entire accommodation. "May I finally make you a suggestion?", Wolffe called across the hall. Of course, he had quickly learned everything he needed to know from Plo Koon. He didn't hold a grudge against the girl. Ahsoka laughed and motioned for him to say what he wanted to. "Let's forget what has been.", he grinned devilishly and his men pulled out tons of alcohol. Where did they got all of this from? No idea. Should Ahsoka have been concerned, that the wolf pack seemed to be ready to get wasted anytime, anywhere? Maybe. But, she couldn't have cared less. That night was to celebrate and she joined her family. 

"Where's Ahsoka?", Anakin asked and looked around, he searched for her in the Temple already. Obi-Wan stood next to him in the hallway and glanced out the window, worry and joy fighting at the same time and finally he raised the corners of his mouth to a small smile. "I hope, Master Plo warned her beforehand.", he muttered, directing his former student's gaze to the brightly lit, densely packed buildings at the foot of the temple. 

The next morning started with a headache for everyone, except Wolffe and his men. They were back on their feet early in the morning and took pity on clearing up the chaos. The noises woke Ahsoka, she was somehow tangled with Fives and Droidbait and sorted herself once, before she snaked ((wtf google? Not what I was thinking but know what? Gonna keep it...)) out and scanned the area with small eyes. She grinned, when did the top of Codys blacks became loose? It was also quite funny to see, how he was stretched across Rex and snoring softly. That didn't bother the captain below, he slept as if nothing was different than the other nights. She decided to go out and find some water, her tongue dry in her mouth.

But she hadn't considered the headache that hit suddenly in the bright light of the hallway. She groaned and pressed her fingers to her temples. She looked for her way into the canteen with half-squinted eyes, and was greeted with laughter. "Ah, General. Boost, you lost! Gimme the egg! ", somebody said a little too loud for her taste and immediately a little fight broke out over a breakfast egg. Sighing, she sat down and put her head in her hands. "What did he bet on?", she asked brittle and Wolffe grinned next to her, he looked dangerous when he was enjoying himself. "That you wouldn't take a single step today." Oh by the Force, she let her forehead drop on the tabletop. She'd acted a lot like a general last night… And even less like a Jedi!

A medic from 104th passed her with a soft laugh and put a glass in front of her, she suspected something more than just water. For a brief moment she wondered, if her stomach could take it. But with the headache, she would never be able to meditate enough to have any effect. So she poured the medication down without a word. 

* ~ * 

"Hands off, this one is mine!", she laughed and chased after the fleeing droid, Jesse gave up and watched her go. He wouldn't keep up at her pace, but neither would the droid. It wasn't more than a second, before she put him on the ground and reattached her lightsabers to her belt. Jesse caught up to her and looked at the junk pile in front of him. "You haven't left anything.", he complained, but had to grin. He hadn't seen his general in such a good mood for a long time. But this month was one of the good ones, and she laughed most of the time. On the way back they discussed when to call the cruiser back for. The mission here was almost finished, the residents were provided with everything they could offer them and most of the remnants of the Separatists were also removed, more than one droid had fallen victim to their lightsabers today and the clones never tired of complaining about it.

Ahsoka was absorbed in the conversation, but the past few months had made her a better Jedi. Since she was more on her own, she had worked hard to strengthen her senses and so, she felt the little girl long before it came out from behind the bush and attacked her from behind. Well, almost. In a flash, she turned around and grabbed the laughing human child. "What was that supposed to be?", she asked and the girl wrinkeld her nose laughing, before she threw her arms around the Jedi's neck and let herself be carried the last steps into the village.

Behind the first houses, Ahsoka let her down and the girl scurried away. "They like you, General.", Jesse said casually and watched, as Ahoska watched the small figure for two more heartbeats. "I miss the younglings.", she muttered and Jesse saw a touch of gloom, that he couldn't tolerate. "Who doesn't, everyone likes bustling children that are always in the way." She looked over at him and pouted. "Oh, be quiet.", she had to smile. She knew most clones were not trained to handle children or other civilians. But she thought, that her men were very good at it! 

When they entered the camp, Rex was already waiting for them. He and the men in the camp all looked tired and exhausted, but somehow satisfied with themselves and the world. She took the ration the captain held out to her as she passed and grinned at him, before scurrying off and pouncing on her reports. Perhaps, she had underestimated the amount of work a general had to do. There was enough paperwork to keep her busy on this planet for a month, and they all had to be handled in a matter of days. It was not uncommon for her, to almost forget to eat, if not one of her brothers did always gave her a ration. Or sleep, what exactly was that again? Sometimes she smiled, when she thought about the fact that she was getting less sleep than Rex. And as a child, she had sometimes thought that the captain would never sleep! That evening was another one like that, the mission was almost over and she buried herself in work at nightfall. Usually, she was left alone for a few hours until one of her brothers was on the night watch and chased her out of the command tent.

Today it was Droidbait, who suddenly stood in the entrance and observed her briefly, before he quietly approached her. Before he could grab her, she raised her finger, grinning. "What do you want, Droidbait?", she asked, when the battles and objectives for the day were done, she let herself relax a little. This also meant abandoning the fixed structures that were in place during the day and treating her brothers for what they were to her.The clone huffed behind her, then leaned over her shoulder. "You know what time it is?", he asked and she shrugged her shoulders, in fact she had lost sight of something like the time. But now that he brought it up... She yawned and Droidbait laughed, before he took a step back and gave her room to get up. “Well, now I got caught. You won’t let me work any more, right?", she sighed, but grinned broadly and went out with the man. He accompanied her to one of the tents with the beds and then said goodbye, combined with the threat that Jesse would probably have the watch after him. She knew that he would just grab her and toss her into bed, no matter how loud she complained.

Shaking her head, but happy, she crept into the tent. All around her were sleeping men and only one of the last beds in the back was still free. She walked quietly through the rows of bunk beds and then swung onto one, over Kix. Briefly she looked down at him again, she had never seen the clone so relaxed or satisfied! They still had a chance to hunt down a few droids and let off steam. However, on these small, quiet worlds it was more of a sport for the men, than a heavy duty. It soothed her sore heart, which would probably never fully recover.

The next morning, as so often, she woke up with the sunrise and went out to watch it. With crossed legs she sat on a stone in front of the camp and watched the bright ball of fire rise above the strange-looking tops of the few trees in the valley. It was like meditating... and it was the only time of the day, when she could be surprised! A fact that some of the clones were happy to take advantage of. Hands grabbed her from behind and she inhaled so quickly, that she began to cough. Laughing, someone patted her vigorously on the back and when she had calmed down, she glared at her brothers. 

"You!", she growled, but Cutup and Hevy sat down next to her, unimpressed and the latter held out a ration of breakfast. She thought for a moment, then she took her breakfast. "What is he doing now?", Cutup asked, Ahsoka knew only too well what bothered the two men. If Droidbait were already up, he would be sitting here as well. "You know Fives, he's going to drive Skywalker and Kenobi crazy, to make up for our absence.", she grinned and devoured the next bite. 

* ~ * 

It had been his decision to support Skywalker, Tiplar and Tiplee. It was his fault, that all of them and Tup were there. And also that Fives suddenly landed on his hit list. Rex was upset, tried to stay calm and do anything but scream. He avoided common quarters on the cruiser, as he always did when he didn't want to alarm the men. The only problem was, that was what alarmed his brothers and Ahsoka. It was exactly an hour after the end of his shift, when she stood at his door. In her hand she had a datapad, her reports and news. He saw it in her eyes, she knew it too. 

"Where could he be?", she asked and entered his study without hesitation, the men shouldn't overhear. Should all of this get through to Cutup, Hevy, or Droidbait, they'd be tearing the ship and Kamino apart looking for Fives.

Beaten, Rex sat down on his bed and rubbed his forehead. “I don't know, he could be anywhere. He's inventive, fast, trained to survive anytime and anywhere.", he rattled down. He looked up and Ahsoka wasn't his sister, just his general was standing in front of him. Like him, she had switched to a different mode. He knew the expression on her face; she had learned this ability to be completely on autopilot after Echo's death and perfected it after Hardcase's. "I think, he will go to Coruscant.", she said silently after a few minutes and Rex was startled. "Why? He'll be seen there, the chance of being caught is high.” He doubted his general's decision, but the Jedi raised her hand and he fell silent. “He's going to be looking for someone, Fives has rarely gone through his endeavors alone. At first he had Echo, then Hardcase and Tup. All three cannot help him now, so he will seek help. He will fly back.", she said and turned to the door, she stopped for a moment.

Her shoulders trembled and Rex fell out of the learned pattern and grabbed her. Now that he couldn't hold back the emotions himself, he was terrified of losing another brother. Ahsoka turned around and they wrapped their arms around each other, he could hear her breathing deeply and evenly and it calmed his pulse. "We'll find him.", she muttered against his shoulder and he pressed a kiss against her temple. "Thank you, vod."

So they made their way home and a single look between Ahsoka and Rex was enough, they agreed not to tell either of the men the real reason for this little vacation. 

* ~ * 

Did they found Fives, or did he found them?

In the end she was almost too slow, even though she had escaped his trap. Fox had already fired, when she threw herself in front of her younger brother and deflected the shot with her shoto. She heard the gun drop to the ground behind her and Fives fell to his knees. She looked back, he had his hands on his head and looked so incredibly small and alone. His eyes were huge and just stared at her. Fox pointed the gun again, at her. "General, I have to ask you to step aside." She turned to the attackers and deactivated her lightsabers, but didn't move. "And I have to ask you, to lower the gun and go back to the quarters." Fox didn't move any more than she did, but his finger was no longer on the trigger. “Please, this soldier is one of my men and I will take responsibility for him. Just give me one chance to sort it out.", she pleaded calmly and watched with serious eyes how Fox now relaxed noticeably, after all he wasn’t a bad man. 

Not all of it was entirely true, Fives was under the command of Anakin Skywalker. He had insisted on keeping the ARC-soldier with him after she got all the other experienced clones. "If you think so, General.", he muttered. She nodded tightly and waited for him and his men to leave. Then she spun around and slapped her hand against the back of Fives' head, a gesture she might have copied from him when someone was doing something very stupid.

It wasn't really hard and yet, he immediately held his head. Only now did she notice, that his hair was shaved and that there was a plaster on his head. She immediately regretted her overreaction, but she seemed to have grounded the man again. "I guess I deserved that.", he muttered and she held her hands on her hips. Oh, she was mad! Not because he'd picked up a gun. She was proud of him, he was determinded to not give up under any circumstances. But not sendig a single message to her or his brothers had been almost cruel. Her nerves had been tense for the past few days and now, they were slowly ripping to pieces. "You idiot!", she snapped and threw her hands in the air. "You knew the last position of our cruiser, you have a special private connection to your brothers and me and still you didn’t told us a single thing!" "I had no access to external communication.", he apologized and she stopped. When was the last time, he had apologized for something? "I'm sorry!", she muttered, realizing how small he had become because of her outburst and got down on her knees to wrap her arms around him. Only now did any tension leave his body and he shivered, his weight slumped against her and she held him upright and ran one hand over the back of his head, strocking the little fuzz that was left. "It's okay, we're here now.", she mumbled and gathered herself a bit, she would sort this mess out.

"Snips?", somebody asked softly from the side and she looked up, Skywalker and Rex were both still trapped and Rex seemed, as if his fingers were actually trembling. Ahsoka carefully straightened up again and propped Fives up a bit as she stood and deactivated the barrier. Rex was quickly with his brother and carefully held him upright, she saw Fives shudder and they talked softly to each other on mando’a. She and Anakin took a few steps back and she crossed her arms, it was already working hard behind her forehead.

"We can't just hide him.", Anakin muttered and Ahsoka looked at him with sharp eyes and wrinkled her nose. "Oh, so you would hand over a friend to the council and the senate once more?", she provoked, her heart still hurting at the thought, and already saw her former master puffing up. He hadn't lost any of his quick-tempered manner in the past few months. "You know that I didn’t had a real…", he began, but her raised hand stopped him and he saw her face soften a little. There was a slight pain in her eyes. "I know. But I have a choice and I will not hand my brother over, this would be a death sentence. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone deserves a second chance. Besides... “, she thought and listened to herself. Her disposition in the Force had always been, to be able to guess the truth of the words that the people around her spoke. "I don't think he made a mistake.", she finished and looked at her Master with a raised eyebrow as he sighed resignedly, it pulled a familiar smile at the corner of her mouth.

"Fine, I'll see what I can do in the Temple.", he relented and she nodded, grateful. 

* ~ * 

Less than two hours after that conversation, she had practically locked Fives in a quarter in the Torrents quarters. His eyes had looked panicked when she explained, that the code on the door had been changed to let no unknown person in. “It's okay, there will always be somebody here with you. I'll see, that we can get out of here as quickly as possible.", she assured him and saw him nodding slightly, he still shuddered now and then and hesitantly, she sat down next to him and put a hand on his back. A blink of an eye later, he slumped against her shoulder and pushed his nose into her collar. With soft fingers she ran over the five on his temple and earned a deep sigh. "Missed you.", the clone mumbled and she had to giggle softly, her heart overflowed with joy to have him here and now she wrapped both arms around his shoulders. "Me too.", she muttered before loosening her grip and standing up. There was a knock and she let the others in.

Droidbait, Cutup and Hevy practically threw themselves on their brother and buried him under themselves. The others sat down on the lower bunks and waited with a relieved smile until the four younger clones had sorted themselves out. Ahsoka was a little surprised to find, that right next to Rex, shoulder to shoulder, Cody was sitting with his helmet between his feet. At some point everyone had settled down properly and the first information began to be obtained. “Rex told me as much as he knows. Fives will be kicked out of all units, but maybe we can avoid a court martial.”, the Commander began and Ahsoka nodded, stood up and rocked slightly from one leg to the other. Her nervousness was thick in the air. "Maybe I can save him? Transferring him to my command?", she asked hopefully and Cody shrugged. "I don't know that much about it, but maybe someone like the Chancellor can..." "No!" Ahsoka's head shot up and an oppressive silence fell. She thought hard, Five's last meeting with the Chancellor hadn't gone very well, she knew that by now. "Don't get the Chancellor involved, we have to take care of the issue internal.", she decided, no one contradicted her.

Fives now reported again, to the clones present and Ahsoka, his discoveries, they were all deep in thoughts after listening. "That's ... wow.", Cutup muttered. Rex propped his arms on his thighs and rubbed his forehead. “If all of this is correct, then we have a huge problem! We know very well, that the Jedi don't do anything wrong on purpose.", he grumbled and although Ahsoka would have loved to blame the Jedi for her pain, she knew he was right. It also impressed her, that after all this time, Rex could still trust the most of the Jedi. "We could remove the chips from some units.", Hevy suggested, but Cody immediately disagreed. "We have to be loyal to the Republic, we have to follow the plans.", he said bluntly and although Ahsoka knew that only his boundless loyalty spoke from him, she got angry and crossed her arms over her chest. “And what if an order comes, and you have to shoot one of your brothers. Or Kenobi!”, she growled and saw guilt flicker in his eyes.

There was another knock on the door, she opened it slightly irritated and looked into the faces of several Jedi. In front of all of them stood Anakin Skywalker, a slight smile curled the corners of his mouth upwards. Ahsoka hurriedly slipped out of the quarters, tried to leave all anger and fear behind the locked door, and took the Jedi a few steps down the hallway until she stopped. "So you've found help?", she smiled exhausted, she was well aware of the shadows below her eyes, but she wouldn't find anything like sleep anyway. Obi-Wan Kenobi folded his arms loosely across his chest, the wide sleeves of his robe covering his hands. He rocked his head slightly, as if he was chewing on something. Aayla Secura stood there, unbreakable as a rock and with a fighting spirit in her eyes, that reminded Ahsoka why she had once felt such a bond with her. Plo Koon slowly rubbed his fingers, his face drawn in a thoughtful expression.

"Wolffe reported, that your friend seems a bit confused.", he remarked softly and Ahsoka snorted, when would the day come when she was faster than Wolffe with his reports? But somehow she admired the Commander for his loyalty... "Of course, which clone wouldn't be confused if his brothers pointed their guns at him.", she defended Fives loudly and a hand on her lower back sent a shiver through her bones, but she kept herself together. She looked up at Obi-Wan and studied his serious eyes closely. “I understand, that you want to protect him. But we can't just decide against every instance.", he said calmly, the hand behind her back was strangely cold and she straightened up, she was no longer a small child. Just a few more years and she would be on an equal footing with the Jedi-Masters! "Would you just let Cody be taken away like that?", she asked seriously and he sighed and shook his head, Aayla uttered a satisfied sound. "Now that that has been clarified, what exactly do we have to do?", she asked and her thirst for action rolled in waves towards the others.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to bring a brother back, a beginner guide.

Ahsoka won the one fight. With the help of Aayla Secura, Plo Koon and Anakin, the files against Fives disappeared with surprising speed and Ahsoka managed to cover up the whole thing with words, that Cody and Obi-Wan Kenobi had given her this time, and somehow transfer Fives into her care. She wasn't quite sure, how she really did it! But she sensed that the voices of Senator Amidala and Senator Organa had been of great support in front of the Senate.

However, she suffered a defeat in another. "And you are sure, that we can't treat more men?", she asked quietly and looked at her feet, she was sitting cross-legged in the bunk under her own. Rex was standing in front of her, on the side of his head Kix had attached a thick plaster. It looked strange, almost unsettling. "I do not think so. We finished our unit and I'm still amazed, that Cody agreed. But we don't know, who would tell the Senate about this if he could.", he explained and his tone softened as he saw her grimace in pain. The last few days had been tough, her nerves had worn out and in the end Rex had taken over her paperwork from the past week. Just to catch up a little. She had to overcome many fears. The fear of the Council, of the Chancellor. Yes, even a little fear of failing herself. None of that had done her any good, and it didn't improve her tired features.

Two seconds passed while she chewed her nails and he watched her, before he dropped next to her with a small thud. She was so tired... She wanted to be strong, really! She wanted to be there, keep an eye on Fives. But she hadn't even found the strength to follow him and his brothers to dinner this afternoon. Was she even hungry at all? "He's in good hands.", it mumbled next to her and she nodded dully. "I know." "Then why are you making yourself even more stressed? He's alive and he'll still be when you restet.", asked Rex and she rolled the answer back and forth in her head for a while. Because she was needed? Or, at least, wanted to be? Sometimes this little fear crept into her mind, that the clones would eventually leave her alone. Like the Council. She knew she would have to accept it, if that day came. But that didn't made the thought any less painfull! His hand grabbed her shoulder and pulled it against his. With a small sigh her head came to rest against his and fingers layed quietly on her temple. She stared into the air for a few seconds, then breathed out deeply and let the warmth drive away all thoughts. 

* ~ * 

"Why are you hesitating?", Jesse asked, looking around searching for what had upset his general. She shrugged her shoulders, her posture so strangely insecure and nervous. "I don't know, maybe a bad feeling?", she mumbled and then climbed into the ship, which would bring her back onto her cruiser. Actually, she couldn't wait to get away! 

The Jedi, especially Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, had become downright intrusive in the past few days. And even if the two Jedi brought back fond memories in her, it caused enough pain for her to want to avoid them.

Saying goodbye to Cody was short, but she had looked at him honestly and even a small smile had appeared on her face. Despite the problems of the past few days. "I owe you one.", were her last words, his as he had yelled after her: "Sure you do!" She was still grinning at the thought of it. 

Back on the cruiser, it seemed as if the bad memories were slowly being washed away. She was cautious for the first few days, although her bad feeling at the departure had disappeared now. But then she noticed more and more how the men laughed and joked together. She was greeted with a smile at any time of day and at some point it passed on to her too. Even Fives laughed again, it was really contagius. She was grateful, that the clones could always, somehow, find something good in every situation. 

* ~ * 

Almost two months passed. The war went on around her and a strange distance had developed between her and the men. She wasn't sure where it came from, but she seemed to separate herself from them every now and then. She spent more time meditating, letting Rex choose which missions to go on next. She was still helping, eating and sleeping with the men. But she still felt this distance and was worried, that it was coming from her... Maybe she was missing a nice fight after all. She didn't knew if she should have been happy, when Cody called her and jokingly remembered her that she was still owning him something, even if the situation was probably not funny! At last she would be able to do something without putting more blood from the clones on her cap. Because this was something, that still worried her. Maybe it was better, to get away from these men and let them be happy with the small and peacefull missions. 

But when the men heard of her preparations, they surprised her with their anger. Hesitantly and slightly confused, she sat alone while eating and assumed that all the distance had now turned into dislike after all. Rex, Jesse and Kix gave it away as a lie, when the three of them sat down with her and acted as if nothing had ever happened. It wasn't until the young woman chewed on her food for a few minutes in silence, that Jesse nudged her in the side. "What is it, did you swallow your tongue?", he joked and when Ahsoka shrugged, the other two fell silent. There it was again, that distance. She felt so incredibly heavy as she watched the men seem to be more relaxed with each new peace mission. "What's stuck in your throat?", asked Kix and she pressed her forearms on the table, she wondered if it was worth sharing her worries with those, whom she had called brothers for years. Finally she spoke up. "The men avoided me today, have I moved so far from them?", she asked quietly and the three clones began to chuckle. She looked up with furrowed eyebrows. "That's not funny!", she hissed softly and put her fork aside. Rex was the first to swallow his amusement and patted her head across the table, earning him another angry twinkle from the General. 

"You know, I think it's more like, that the men are offended.", Jesse finally grinned broadly. "Running into a mission without all of us? Not even you can pull that on us.", Kix agreed. 

Even later, she hadn't quite digested that the men would just follow her. In what would be certainly the death of most of them. She didn't want that! She paced up and down in her office and was nearly scared to death when the door suddenly slid open. Rex and Fives stood in front of her and the ARC just shook his head. "How about some sleep until we get there?", he suggested, she shook her head firmly. “No, it’s not like I could sleep now anyway. And don't even think about calling Kix! You don't want to see my dinner again and neither do I!”, she threatened Rex, before he could open his mouth. Both clones smirked and now entered, their General began to pace up and down again. The two sat on the desk. “Then how about running around on the bridge. At least you have space there.", Rex joked and she stared at him. “How can you joke now? I am leading more than a hundred men to their certain death, with a really high probability!” She started softly and grew louder, until she crossed her arms angrily and wondered if this was a good time for a little scream. Just to calm her nerves. She had already gotten so many clones killed, it was too much.

Fives stood up, his gaze dead serious. “These men follow you voluntarily! You lead them because they want you to lead them. Sooner or later each of us dies, let us at least hope to be allowed to die for the right thing.", he explained and she heard a passion in his voice that has not been seen since Umbara. A lump formed in her throat, but she forced herself to maintain her composure. There had been a time, where she had thought so as well. “With all due respect, brother! I want you to die for the right thing, after all of you have had a chance to live. A real life without the bolts and bombs flying around you all the time. You should be allowed to live, not have to.” Her voice was hard and cold, it was difficult to speak past the lump. Rex got up too and came up to her. “I want to live right here and now. And if we die out there, it will be because we made the right decision to trust you." She looked at him and realized, that at was herself who built this distance. She was so afraid to loose one of them! Tears started to form in her eyes und she turned away. 

* ~ * 

She had been standing alone in front of the battle plans for a while now and looked at them, the situation was not only tricky. Fatal was probably the better word and she was still gnawing at Rex's idea, of how they could still save the whole thing. He had gone, alone. She didn't like it, but she also knew that she couldn't run after him always and everywhere. He had Cody with him and Unit 99! It would all go well… She remembered her brief conversation with these clones while telling Rex to be careful. A smile crept on her face, Wrecker reminded her a lot of Hardcase. The two alone would certainly have been enough, to reduce the entire base to rubble and ashes.

Footsteps approached from behind and she looked up, Anakin came up to her and clasped his hands behind his back. She had to grin. "You had a nice conversation? How is she doing?”, she asked softly and he smirked, she hadn't spoken to her Master in a long time. Not at all after she left Coruscant in such a hurry. But she wasn't blind. "You're clever.", her former Master admitted and examined the plans with her. She felt his restlessness and sighed, before loosening her arms and looking at him. "What is it, Master?", she asked and it was unexpected for her, when his worried look met her. 

"I missed you.", he muttered and she smirked. "Sure you weren't just missing Hevy?", she teased and he rolled his eyes before carefully lifting an arm. An invitation she could decline if she wanted.

She swallowed, since the council had expelled her once, she had forbidden the other Jedi from any avoidable physical contact. She knew Plo Koon was sorry, but she couldn't just see past it all. She also knew that every time, Master Kenobi saw her, he worriedly stroked his beard and tried to put his hand on her shoulder. Since then she has consistently avoided him. Now she and her Master had never maintained closer contact, except for a deep bond. But it hurt him too, to know her so far away and distant. And that hurt her too... She might not really always agree with him, but he was her friend and with a small sigh she slipped into the embrace and held him tight for a few seconds before releasing him. 

* ~ * 

She was crouching on the floor and biting her nails, that hideous habit that had only emerged since the events between Fives and the Republic! She had closed her eyes and was thinking, trying not to lose her mind while doing so. Her Master and the other two Jedi doubted the Captain's statement, she didn't! If Rex said that had to be Echo, it was him! But what exactly should she do now? She had to go out there, take him home. That was out of the question. Could she involve his brothers in this? No, the clones were more important to him than she was. In the end she was expendable for her men, even if they were loyal to her. Her brothers would get over her loss, should it occur. After all, they would then have Echo back again.

"Have you made up your mind?", asked a calm voice and she opened her eyes. She had previously included Hunter in her deliberations, and he had told her that Rex was up to the same thing. This, of course, accelerated her decision-making process. "Yes, let me just talk a word with Cody.", she snorted and went into the medical tent. The Commander refused to leave the planet, after all he was more or less patched up. He was awake and staring at her. "And?", he asked, and if she hadn't been to bed faster, he might have got up to meet her. “I'll go and look for Echo. The others must not follow me! You can do this for me, right?” The clone nodded, worry darkened his eyes and Ahsoka patted him carefully on the shoulder, trying to calm him down. "I'll take your boys with me, let's see what they're good for.", she joked and saw Cody smile briefly, before she turned around and disappeared. 

* ~ * 

Did these shafts never end? Echo smiled next to her and she looked down at him, had she said something? "Don't scrunch your face like that, I know where we're going to get out.", he grinned and it actually cheered her up. She was covered with bruises and minor injuries, but Echo was alive and she had her arm wrapped around him to hold him up. It was all worth it! 

Wrecker behind her sighed again and she had to smile. "I'll make sure that you get a few more before we run.", she said and received a comradely push against the shoulder blade. "I hope so!", laughed the massive clone, and Crosshair in front of her just shook his head.

"Here it is. I just don't think, you'll like it.", Echo grinned at Ahsoka and Tech opened a hatch, the wind blew in on them immediately and she stuck her head out. It went down from up here, far down. "No different than jumping into the underworld.", she thought aloud and out of the corner of her eye she saw Echo tilt his head. "You speak from experience?", he asked and she shrugged. 

* ~ *

Every bone hurt her, but it didn't matter! Because Echo was as intact as he could be and she was still alive. In addition, Wrecker was totally amused, to have thrown a Jedi for the first time in his life. She smiled too, she hadn't wanted to take the fun away from him and had given up her other acrobatics. It had been funny, especially when Hunter asked her loudly, if she still was sane to volunteer to do this. It had been easier somehow, now that she wasn't surrounded by the clones that her heart was so attached to. Besides, her brothers got along quite well without the fighting, but these ones...

The gunship started to land and she got up, the ground seemed to sway slightly under her as she braced herself on the wall and Echo looked at her from the side. She had filled in a few of his gaps. "General, maybe..." She held up her hand and cut him off. "I'm fine, I'm standing upright on my own two feet. But I'll send you straight to Kix.", she grinned and Echo returned it, albeit hesitantly.

The ship opened and she could see a whole group of people rushing to meet them. She pulled back a little and let the clones go outside, not at least to get out of the view of all the others, including her former Master. She really couldn't use one of his lectures now. She might have underestimated the enemy a tiny bit... Echo was welcomed with open arms by his brothers and they all escort him to Kix, Ahsoka waited a few seconds until Tech stuck his head back into the ship. 

"They are gone.", he announced and she left the ship with a deep sigh, the pain in her body was still dull. But it was slowly growing and she just wanted to get into a bunk and close her eyes for a few minutes. Nothing more. "Thanks, Cody actually didn't exaggerate.", she said to Hunter and tried to drive away the exhaustion. The clone looked her up and down once and then smiled a small smile. “He wasn't exaggerating when he spoke of you either. General Tano, you look awful.” She laughed, it hurt and she held her ribs. "Not everyone can have a genetic advantage.", she joked and said goodbye.

She began to hobble into her improvised command tent as fast as she could and sat on the floor, preferring not to inspect her injuries. Now that all that adrenaline was gone, it hurt like hell. Her right lekku burned like fire and blood had dried on it, her shoulder and forehead. Her head felt like it would explode, her sense of balance seemed to have been damaged. She knew, that blood was still oozing from her left hand. But she just didn't dare to look down. She just sat there and breathed against the sting of her ribs, wondering if she should just allow herself some sleep here on the floor.

She never got to it, three figures appeared in her tent. "Ahsoka?" The question sounded scared and she wondered, how bad she really looked. It wasn't like she had a mirror on hand. She raised her right hand to protect her eyes from the incident light and to identify the people. It was her old Master, who immediately turned around and pressed his comlink. Rex, however, came over to her with long strides and pulled her upright again by the shoulders. When had she sunken to the ground? “It's okay. I can sit alone.", she grumbled and fixed her gaze on Obi-Wan Kenobi, he looked at her with an expression of concern and urgency. "Sure.", Rex grumbled ironically, but she braced herself against his attempts to get her to her feet. "Master Kenobi, did something happen?", she asked instead, feeling a slight knot form in her stomach. Something actually happened...

The Jedi hesitated before speaking. “Anakin will kill me, for not dragging you to the nearest bacta tank right away. But... Echo just shared some of his new experiences and knowledge with us. He discovered a conspiracy, the clones were actually given a hidden order.” She looked at him with wide eyes and could see in his, what she was thinking. It was finally proven, Fives was right! "We'll be able to help them all?", she asked choked and only felt dully, how Rex grabbed her tighter. Kenobi nodded and she took a deep breath, tears flowed and she knew that all the men would finally have a chance of real, free will. Then it got dark. 

* ~ * 

When she woke up again, she was confused. It was bright, white, sterile. This wasn't a battlefield! Where was she? Where were the men she had to protect? Was Echo still safe with his brothers? Did she really make it? Panicked, she sat up and looked around, she was alone in a room, she identified it as the medistation of her cruiser. Where was everyone? Had she just been sent back and left alone? 

Suddenly, that feeling was there again, that deep fear of loneliness. She gasped, she'd had all of that under control for years, and now… She wanted to get up and noticed the many cables, that were glued and clamped to her skin. The panic overflowed and with a jerk she threw herself out of bed, tearing off the cables and lying there breathless. She was trying to find her legs, to do something before something happened. Her stomach was knotted and it was difficult for her to breathe. There were dull voices and when hands grabbed her, she tried to throw herself against them. Then it went quiet and dark again. 

The next time she opened her eyes, she was sick. Groaning, she immediately closed her eyes and straightened up, one hand pressed to her mouth. She could hardly breathe and suddenly a warm hand was on her back and someone pushed a bucket into her hands. Just in time, whatever had been in her stomach, it just greeted her cheerfully. She hugged the bucket, trembling.

A few minutes passed, before she was nothing but a trembling misery on the bed. She leaned back and more than two hands carefully helped her, there was a cool wall behind her. Before she could drop the bucket, someone took it from her and now she tried again, to look at the world around her. The difference to before was fatal! It wasn't the white ceiling of the medistation, but rather the familiar gray of the quarters. And as she took a deep breath, the familiar scent of her home flooded her lungs. The light had been dimmed and she could now hear and see how crowded it was. Oh by the Force, how many had seen all of this? The first that her eyes could focus on was Echo. He was sitting on one of the lower bunks and when he saw, that she was really looking at him, he smiled widely. That was nice... The next one was Kix and she realized quickly, why he looked so guilty. It was clear, that he had pumped the medication into her body. But did he really had a choice? Jesse sat next to him, arms on his knees and gaze serious, but relieved, fixed on her. Hevy, Droidbait, Cutup, Fives, Cody... she spotted a few other faces and then turned to the nearest one. Rex was sitting on the matress she had been put on and when she blinked at him, he actually picked up a second bucket.

"Please don't say, you need this one too.", he muttered and a laugh escaped her, her ribs no longer hurt. Carefully she sat up properly and rubbed her aching head, her gaze slid back to Echo. He looked so much better... "How long was I gone?", she asked quietly and as if that had been a secret sign, her brothers came closer to the bed and Cody shooed the others away, but kept himself in the background. “Almost two weeks. One of them in the tank.”, Cutup announced and threw himself on her foot end, Driodbait shoved him heartily to the side and climbed next to him. Two weeks? "What did I miss?", she asked still quietly and Echo and Fives had to laugh, she gave them a strange look. What was there to laugh about? "I can lend you a hand, if you need it.", Echo announced and a shockingly realistic prosthesis landed in her hands. Without an arm. She paused, then raised her eyebrows and returned his new hand. "Very funny.", she commented dryly, but was infinitely happy. That was the first joke Fives was involved in for who knows how long! 

"The GAR is dechipped.", Jesse threw in and simply sat down on the floor, in front of the bunk, he had a satisfied grin on his face. "And Skywalker screwed up!", Hevy announced and all the clones laughed softly, that was almost too loud for her head! "Why?" She asked pained, rubbing her temples. “The Senator is even less of a secret now, than it was before. But the men and General Kenobi cover him as best they can.", Cody grinned from further back and she had to laugh again, what a surprise! Her Master has never been good at keeping things a secret... 

Kix stared at his hands and she recognized the expression. She got up a little more and tilted her head. "Kix?" He looked up and she grinned widely, it elicited a small smile. She wanted to see that, even if, according to her stomach, she didn't felt like grinning. "What exactly did you find?", she asked in a pretended good mood. He didn't fall for it, but finally began to enumerate.

"Serious head injuries. The right lekku was completely slit.” She raised her right hand and stroked the tentacle, a bulging scar pressing against her fingers. There could have been worse. "Burns, abrasions, grazes, broken ribs..." The list was long and yet it had to end at some point. "And two fingers of the left hand were torn off.", the clone finished and exhaled deeply, Ahsoka looked at her hands for the first time. The right one was perfectly fine again, but the left one looked so out of place. The ring and middle finger were completely missing and she clenched her hand once into a fist, it was as if she could still feel them. With a shudder, she remembered how she'd faded out the pain, after wrenching herself from the grip of a droid. 

The men around her waited to see, if she would say something. She looked up and carefully swung her legs out of bed. "Where are we?", she asked, waiting for the world to stop turning. That headache would kill her sooner or later! Breathing deeply, she propped herself up on her knees, tried not to gag again and heard Kix start to rummage in his backpack. "Hyperspace, on the way to Coruscant.", Cody replied and she nodded vaguely, why weren't her men there already? The rest of the fight couldn't possibly have lasted two weeks. "Why are you here?", she asked further, when Kix pressed a tablet into her left hand. Without looking for water, she swallowed it. Her brothers moved a little closer, slowly it was getting tight on the bed. Droidbait and Cutup sat diagonally behind her, Rex on her right and Kix on her left. Fives, Echo, Jesse and Hevy were crouched on the floor and Cody was leaning against the opposite wall. "You're kidding, right?", Jesse asked, and she shrugged. "I wouldn't have blamed you, for flying home as soon as possible.", she muttered and massaged her forehead, the pain seemed to subside and the nausea finally went away! She loved Kix, he always had one of the few tablets that she could swallow. 

Someone patted her foot and she looked up, Hevy looked at her with a surprising seriousness. "You took all the fun away from us, but we can't just leave you behind!" She wanted to protest, that leaving her on the medistation wouldn't have been such a big deal. "Don't argue, I won't go anywhere again without anyone of my family, this includes you too!", Echo announced and tears tingled in her eyes.

This unconditional love, that was shown to her here, was so different from her worries in the last few days. She wasn't sure, what she had expected or feared. Maybe anger, that she'd left them all to go off alone? Before she could start crying, however, Hevy rose energetically. "I'm starving, let's get something to eat!" Ahsoka hesitated, food sounded nice. But somehow... "When was the last meal?", she asked and Hevy shrugged. “No idea, 10 or 11 hours ago? Since you decided to throw yourself off the bed.", he grinned and it made her smile. "Then I don't want to stand in your way." But nobody moved. "Your stomach could definitely take something too.", Kix then threw in and stood up, offered her his hand, to help her up. She still hesitated, the pill was good. But she wasn't hungry either. "You haven't had anything real in your stomach for two weeks, do us this favor.", Rex insisted and with a sigh, she grabbed Kix's hand and pulled herself to her feet. "You can have my dessert too.", Cutup said as he pushed past her and his grin made her laugh. Suddenly the faces of all the men in the room lit up and she was a bit ashamed, of having burdened the soldiers for so long. "You are too good to me.", she tried to joke and squealed, as Hevy grabbed her and lifted her onto his shoulders. "Yep, you can really thank us more often.", he laughed and they all went off together.


End file.
